i am waking up at 6am to take my mom to the airport, i am SO tired.
but i do love my mother
but i do love my mother
ANYWAYS, on another note here is just something to laugh at! I love how comedians can say things that run through everyone's head that just don't seem all that funny, but when said on stage and in a clever manner it's hilarious. It's the best!
1. If you go to the grocery store and stand in front of the lunch meat section for too long, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna -- somebody needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourself."
2. One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said,"Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." " How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera!"
3. Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out fliers, and when someone tries to hand me out a flier, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here, you throw this away."
4. I got a king sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable. "Oh, you're a king, you say? Well you won't believe what I have in store for you! It's to your exact specifications! I believe I can set up your lady friend, too!"
5. My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really going on down there? Who is the real hero?
6. I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 a.m., and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk by at ten and say, "Hey, I walked by at three, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This jacket would be halfway done!"
your mom is awesome. 'nuff said.
ReplyDeletenow onto more hedberg quotes (i'm a big fan)
7. I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say, "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say, "Just press two for a while. And when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough.
8. When I was a boy I used to lay in my twin sized bed at night, wondering where my brother was.
9. I was walking down the street the other day when this guy asked if I wanted a frozen banana...I said 'no' but then thought I might want a regular banana later, so...yeah.
10. I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
hahahaha...oh how he's missed.
ReplyDeleteOne time I saw a wino eating grapes. I said "man you are going to have to wait a little while."
I was over my friends house and he offered me a frozen banana. At first I said no. But then I thought I might want a regular banana later, so I said yes.